***
“People
who cease to believe in God or goodness altogether still believe in
the devil. I don't know why. No, I do indeed know why. Evil is always
possible. And goodness is eternally difficult.”
-
Anne Rice, Interview
With a Vampire
***
Alone
in the stone cell, Julien paced the perimeter until finally sliding
his body down the unforgiving wall opposite the cell door. With her
final words still stuck in his head, he focused on the cracks in the
stones and the number of blocks stacked to form his enclosure.
He tried to memorize the angles and the dimensions of the space
instead of allowing thoughts of her warm curves pressed against him
to overcome his focus. When the vision of her bright blue eyes came
into his head, he changed his attention to the ceiling, taking in the
cobwebs in the corners, the dim bulb hanging above, and the smell of
mildew hanging in the air. As his mind fell upon the memories of
their final moments together,
he ground his fingernails into the hard stone beneath him.
His concentration
wavered as something slipped through the bars of the cell door. Even
in the dim lighting,
he immediately recognized the medical grade pint of packed red blood
cells. Although freshly sated by the girl’s last remaining ounce of
life, the blood still called to him. The more he tried to ignore its
presence, the louder the call became. His eyes repeatedly drifted
back toward the bag as his tongue ran over his teeth. He sniffed the
air, relieved that the scent of the bag’s contents remained trapped
by the sterile sealing process.
His jaw clenched,
and his fists tightened as the pain built in the back of his throat.
Picturing himself back in France in the Church of Saint-Pierre
de Montemartre,
he swallowed back the saliva that
collected
in his mouth as he closed his eyes and began to chant.
“AVE MARIA,
gratia plena, Dominus tecum. Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et
benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora
pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen.1”
With his eyes
closed, he chanted the words over and over, repeating them until they
became senseless in his mind. Placing his head between his knees, he
squeezed his eyes
closed
tighter. When he started to wonder what blood type was written across
the bag in bold letters or about
how fresh it might
be, he changed prayers. When the memories of the sensation of his
lips on warm flesh, the sound of a pulse echoing in his ears, or the
taste of that first drop of blood on his tongue entered his mind,
he changed prayers. When he remembered her scent in his nostrils and
her flavor in his mouth, he changed prayers.
Recognizing her
footsteps and her smell, Julien did not look up as Agent Wolf stood
in the doorway. After a long silence, she finally spoke. “Mr.
Durant, tell me, why should I spare you?”
“You should not,”
he
said.
“And why is that?”
“I am a monster. I
deserve to be ended. I wish to be ended.”
“And why should I
give you what you desire?” Her voice hinted at genuine curiosity.
“You should not.”
She said nothing
else as her footsteps disappeared down the long corridor. Silence
filled the cell once again. He was alone, alone with the blood.
Imagining himself
back in the Spiritual Exercises, he started to chant again. He had
conquered the evil and disorder within himself once so many years
ago; it could be done again. Ruth taught him that. It took losing her
to prove to him that he had the choice, and her loss gave him the
strength to take it.
Even though he had
witnessed her passing with his own eyes, her presence still haunted
his every thought. He sensed her fear and despair as if she sat next
to him now. But now she was dead, and he sat alone in the stone cell.
1
Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou
among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary,
Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our
death. Amen.
***
No comments:
Post a Comment